this bit has absolutely no right to be this funny
can't believe I nearly forgot to share this
where's the tweet thats like high value art heists should be legal and should be like a national pass time between countries like capture the flag. thats my platform
like i'd stay in museum security as a job just for that like to be on the defending team against some other country's art heist team. could be like eurovision but more fun. no bloodshed allowed no weapons u gotta use ur hands only. we should also be allowed to trade players between nations
ninety-six countries immediately descend on the british museum to get their stuff back
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okay but this is a power move above any other
”
It gets even better, because he was doing all of this on a pitch black...](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1fd447caa3b037691cd21fe9101a7388/tumblr_oyqfosuqIB1rhavdko1_500.png)
okay but this is a power move above any other
It gets even better, because he was doing all of this on a pitch black night. This dude swam towards a lure, slapped at it with his glove, and when it got caught; he let himself float and tugged on the line so the fisherman thought he had hooked a 100+ pound salmon. Once he was finally up to the shore, he turned a flashlight on in the guy’s face and walked out of the water, saying “good morning, gentlemen. State fish and game warden, you’re under arrest.“
At this point, the guy who had reeled him in had literally fallen over in shock, and the other people with him were scared shitless. The warden whipped some citations out of a plastic bag in his wetsuit, made the trespassers sign them, asked if they had any questions, and then gathered all of their fishing gear. And he just. Walked back into the river. And quietly swam away, without another word.
This man is a legend.
warden coming out of his river to shame fishermankind
One thing that I’ve found delights children is fully indulging a question on occasion. One a friend’s six-year-old said “what’s in your purse?” And I took every single item out of my purse and showed it to her and told her what it was and she just sat there attentively for the whole inventory because she genuinely wanted to know what was in my purse.
please read the best twitter story i’ve seen all week
bringing this back because it becomes possibly funnier the second (third forth) time around
oh my god
fic idea: darling and dexter switch bodies and are both actually very happy with this arrangement
king charming: time to trek through the forest, slay dragons, and rescue damsels! then afterwards, we can come home to have a turkey leg eating contest and arm wrestle!
darling (as dexter): oh hell yeah
queen charming: time to practice being elegant and poised ladies. we will start with some embroidery, then some light reading and discussion over tea, and finally we'll all compare ballgowns and advice on hair styling.
dexter (as darling): oh thank god finally
You roll up to the Wizard Battle and your opponent takes out his spellbook but it’s just one of these
I'd leave. This is a sign that my opponent has the most fucked up unethical spells imaginable, and I am not about to be subject to Malchezar's Piercing Prostate Bomb or something
taking a class on sex this semester which has resulted in many fun things like "sex activity" and "sex final" being added to my planner. being very mature and serious about this .
obsessed
I had a class called "What is Evil?" The professor called us his "evil students" and I got to say things like: "I have evil class later." and "I have readings in evil to do." and "Well my evil professor said..."
I miss having that class
step 1: listen to mitski’s cover of Let’s Get Married on repeat
step 2: draw old holmes and watson
step 3: Y E A R N
sadbooknerd